Working from home to find balance.

Working from home, especially for parents,
can help you find balance.

By Sheri E. Barnes, MA, Med, NSCA-CPT

Personal balance--feeling like we have all the components of our lives on track and under control--is elusive for most of us in modern society, and it can be particularly challenging for moms to achieve. We are pulled in so many different directions. We are cautioned to take care of ourselves first, and this is good advice, but it is often a theory that feels impossible to put into practice. Even when we attempt to keep our energy stores filled by doing the things we know are good for us, the reality is that a preschooler does not recognize that Mommy needs time for herself, a toddler cannot be left to his or her own devices, a soiled diaper needs to be changed. Even mothers of older children have constant demands on their time and energy to manage schedules, pack lunches and serve as sounding boards as their offspring attempt to navigate the treacherous waters of adolescence. Being a mom is, in many ways, all-consuming.

That said, we must still find ways to live the lives we were meant to live--as individuals, as well as moms. Although motherhood is often all-consuming, our individual identities should not vanish under the responsibilities of the role. We owe ourselves, our children and our spouses the opportunity to know and discover who we really are at the core. That is truly the best gift we can give our families, and one that I believe is both a right and a responsibility.

In many ways, working from home provides one of the most effective solutions to the problem of achieving personal balance while parenting. It often serves as the best opportunity to meet the needs of each component--physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and social--of our identities, while fulfilling the responsibilities of our multiple roles. Just as the physiological state of bodily balance can be precarious and is affected by a variety of factors, including our hearing, our vision, our bodies’ sense of where they are in space and our core strength, personal balance can easily be thrown out of whack when we are bombarded by the many requests and responsibilities that come our way in life as parents. Our best defense against these attacks and the subsequent imbalance in our lives is a proactive offense.

When we work from home, we arguably have the best chance to control our schedules and manage our energy expenditure. When we work outside the home and come home to parent our children, we are almost always operating under someone else’s timetable. This is true enough just in parenting. The baby is crying NOW; we must respond. The three-year-old needs to go to the bathroom NOW; we will regret finishing our project. So, we have to take control where we can. By researching home-based businesses and finding one that resonates with our personal values, as well as with our financial and familial needs, we have the opportunity to make our work fit our lives, instead of always trying to make our unwieldy lives fit our work. The rest of life--other than work--is and should be bigger than work. It has room to accommodate our work, but something is always going to be out of balance if we try to make it happen the other way around. That is not to say that it is impossible to work outside the home, parent and achieve personal balance, just that what is already a challenge becomes even more difficult in that scenario.

Once we have either identified a home-based business, found a work-at-home job or created our own business, the most important step is to accurately assess the time and energy that will be needed to make the business work. Then, a realistic look at our lives is in order. How can we make this happen? What schedule adjustments need to be made? What responsibilities do we need to (and can we) relinquish? From there, determining schedules that work for us and our families is critical. Whether we prefer a set schedule that remains relatively consistent week after week or a more flexible weekly schedule, we must have one.

Within our schedules, all components of our identities must be honored. In order to have the energy needed to fulfill our responsibilities while maintaining personal balance, physical activity must be incorporated into our weekly schedules. One of the beauties of working from home is the array of opportunities to give our bodies the exercise they need while addressing other areas of our lives. Children and dogs will enjoy and benefit from walks and romps in the park. Working from home allows us to enjoy some sunshine on a beautiful day. We simply plan the walks into our schedule. According to Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, in their book The Power of Full Engagement, we are able to provide our best physical, emotional, mental and spiritual energy to any task when we learn how to “rhythmically spend and renew energy.” Planning a break in our parenting and/or work duties for exercise allows us to do just that. We expend our emotional energy taking care of young children and our mental energy working on business. By making exercise breaks priorities in our schedules, we expend physical energy renewing our other energy sources. Sometimes more vigorous exercise--a fast-paced, solo bike ride or a run--can be particularly renewing for our spiritual energy. We can contract with our partners to get out on our own several times a week to expend and renew in this way, while we reciprocate on other days. The bottom line, though, is that it must be scheduled and deliberate.

Through working from home, we are fortunate enough to be able to stay intellectually stimulated while providing our children with the nurturing and attention they need to optimize their brain development. We can set up work stations for our young children in our home offices. We can provide them with puzzles, art tools and office supplies so that they can work while we work. Undoubtedly, when we work from home with young children, there will be interruptions. Clarify behavior expectations up front, but realize that the interruptions are part of the ebb and flow that naturally happen while combining the roles of parent and businessperson. Frequent complaints of mothers who leave careers to be at home with their children are lack of adult conversation and low mental stimulation. Not only do these deficits throw off personal balance, leaving many moms disheartened, dissatisfied and ready to return to the work world, but they can have potentially harmful long-term effects on mental health. Scientific research has demonstrated that on-going intellectual stimulation throughout the life course is correlated with reduced age-related mental decline.

Moms often talk about being pulled in different directions--wanting to be home with their children, but wanting the satisfaction and rewards that come with a well-suited career. Working from home can provide both if the work is well chosen. According to Arlene Rosen-Cardozo, in her book Sequencing, “The most distinctive feature regarding the career perceptions of the woman who leaves her work with comfort is that she sees her past accomplishments as collateral to take with her as evidence of her abilities, whereas the conflicted woman often sees all that she has done and built as being left behind her.” What better way to view our accomplishments as collateral to take with us into the parenting phase of our lives than to put that experience, education and effort to use in crafting a new career that fits our new lives? It really is the best of both worlds--not perfection in either (impossible!)--but the best compromise for meeting the needs of our families while remaining individuals who crave a sense of accomplishment derived from putting our intellectual and creative energies to work to produce tangible results. Those tangible results are difficult to see in the short-term world of day-to-day parenting, where the blocks we just picked up are dumped again in two minutes, where our preschoolers tell us that dinner looks like poop and where we are nursing babies for hours a day in the hope that strong attachment will lead to healthy development. Working from home can provide more immediate gratification for the effort we invest.

Parenting can be very spiritually fulfilling. We can often recognize that we are working for causes greater than just ourselves. We are toiling in effort to help guide our children as they become loving, generous human beings who will make a difference in the world. Sometimes, though, there are other causes that mean a lot to us. Volunteering can allow us to contribute to these causes. When we work from home, we may have the ability to include our children in our volunteerism. We can take our children on our Meals-on-Wheels routes and let them share their wonderful, youthful spirits with older adults who may be lonely and feel forgotten. We can include them in projects to feed the hungry or teach classes to people living with chronic illnesses. Just as exercise must be scheduled in order to be sure that it happens, nurturing this important component of personal balance must be intentional. We must take advantage of the flexibility that working from home affords and include time for spiritual nourishment. Again, the beauty is that we control our schedules far more than we would if we did not work from home.

Finally, working from home allows us to model values that we hold precious for our children. Before I started working from home, my son asked me, “Mommy, why do only daddies work?” I explained to him that my work was being his mommy and that it was very important work. I just did it from home with him, and I didn’t get paid for it. This seemed to make some sense to him, but I was left feeling that I wanted him to realize that mommies are just as smart and as capable as daddies. Mommies work very hard, and mommies can manage their time and energy efficiently to make things happen. By working from home, these things become evident. We still get the chance to model the values of being present, of raising our own children and of being the primary influences in their lives, but we also get to show them that we are intelligent human beings who can organize projects, write articles, educate people about wellness and earn money at the same time. They learn respect for both genders. Boys learn that women have much to offer, in addition to the very important acts of kissing owies and snuggling to sleep. Girls learn to value themselves and to expect more of themselves in school and to plan for dynamic futures. Daughters and sons learn that Mom makes valuable contributions to the household--practically, emotionally and financially.

Whether we work from home, parent exclusively or work outside the home, there will be times of imbalance. That is inevitable. Working from home simply places us in the best position for getting back on track, regaining control of our time and energy and putting them into place to achieve the best results for ourselves and our families. Take full advantage of the opportunities that working from home provides. Schedule time for physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and social nurturance. Make it intentional and make it a way of life. In this crazy-busy world in which we live, being able to work from home truly does give us the best chance to make the most of our capabilities in all aspects of our lives.

Sheri E. Barnes enjoys parenting her three-year-old son full time while promoting wellness through a company that believes in personal balance. You can reach Sheri and learn how to find personal balance as she has by calling (316) 259-9728 or visiting her website at http://womenswealthandwellness.com/sheriebarnes.